you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
