If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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