FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
