so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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