Quick, to the slutcave!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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