I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
