I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
