Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
