saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
