and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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