Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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