I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
