dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
