dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
