Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
