i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
