so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize