saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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