I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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