yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
