Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
