I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
