all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He passed out mid-signature
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
