who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
