I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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