You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
