this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bring me that man meat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
