now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
