I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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