remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
