these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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