I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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