I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
