This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
