it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
