We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize