I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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