Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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