hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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