I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
