I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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