At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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