I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
