Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
