Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
