I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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