NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
