it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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