Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
