i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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