Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
