Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
