WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
