In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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