I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My bed smells like the plague
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
