Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
True strength comes from lack of pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
