I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You're like the curious george of whores
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
