she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
