You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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