Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
