it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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